I'm a Pregnant Elephant

It sounds offensive, I know, but it's not intended to be.  You see, Asian Elephants are pregnant between 18-22 months.  We first got pregnant in October 2016.  Our first miscarriage was in late December 2016 (read about it here), then pregnant again in March 2017, followed by a miscarriage in late April 2017 (read about that one here).  Then we conceived again in August 2017 and we just hit our 20-week mark and are due at the end of April.  So if you combine all those together, I've basically been pregnant like an elephant.  It's been a total of 19 months of my body being extremely confused and going through the most radical rollercoaster of changes during that time.

Elephants are pregnant for so long because there's a lot of development going on.  They are the one of the largest mammals, so it makes sense that they have the longest period of growing a baby.  Maybe the comparison here for me is the maturity growth I've needed over this time.  It's clear to me the ways that God has already moved in this journey.

It started with the word humility at the start of 2016 - -  a trait I lacked for sure.  But it was humility that I needed to go through our first miscarriage.  Humility to be able to say "I need help" or "I'm not okay" or "no I can't" and to reveal our truth.  I needed (and still need) humility to talk openly and be vulnerable about our story.

A year later in early 2017, the new word for the year was patience. And boy did I need patience!  There's something very lonely after going through a life changing event, where at some point everyone drifts away.  There's not a lot of support anymore because it only goes for so long.  So at times you're alone and isolated.  That's when you start to question things and truly feel the feelings of sadness.  I needed patience when the friends around me were getting pregnant on seemingly their first try.  I needed patience to heal and then to conceive again.  When we got pregnant the second time, I needed patience for each day that passed by.  When we went through the physical part of our second miscarriage, which was a complete blind side, I needed patience for my husband who was rightfully angry and upset.  I needed patience to process the passing since it was completely different than the first.  And I use patience now for every day and every week that passes that we are still pregnant with our baby now.

Today is a joyous day.  A celebratory day for Austin and myself.  We just had our 20-week scan and praise God that all things are measuring healthy.  Our little boy, Merrick Landau, is doing amazing!  He was curled and tucked up during the scan, but active and constantly moving.  Because of that, I need to go back next week to get a couple more measurements, but all that means for me is I get to see our little boy again.  The doctor confirmed that everything looked great as well and saw no signs of concern.

We are overjoyed, excited and praising God for the journey, humility and continued patience and for His will, not ours.  He always has a great plan.