Our Second Miscarriage

Here we are again.  We had a second miscarriage last week. Our first was back in December (read more here).  This one was different though.  We had no idea we should even expect a miscarriage.  It felt like a strong right hook across your face, but you never saw the punch coming.  Afterwards you're spinning, confused and lost.  But most of all, it stings.

We were up in Dallas for a work event when all this went down.  I was almost 7 weeks and I started having severe symptoms.  Because of my experience with Shrubs #1 (we are the Bush family, so our little babies are called Shrubs), I knew Shrubs #2 was in danger.  It was there in an emergency clinic in Arlington, TX at 1 A.M. where we learned there was no heartbeat and my body was in fact going through a miscarriage.  There is no explanation.

We wanted to get back home to see my doctor first thing in the morning because we didn't know what was to follow.  So my husband and I drove through the night back to Round Rock and got in at 5 AM.  The drive time was therapeutic and we got to discuss our feelings and really process everything that just happened.

They say each pregnancy and delivery is different.  They're right.  Just like each miscarriage is different.  This one took my body five days to process and I was able to avoid surgery.  Whereas last time I had to have an emergency D&C.

We are heartbroken and sad, but we remain faithful.  Here is what God has revealed to me so far (and I love that it's a refreshing and different message than last time.)

"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials." - 1 Peter 1:6

Trials are part of the refining process.  Just like gold when it's heated.  The impurities float to the top and can be skimmed off refining it.  All believers face trials when they let their light shine into the darkness.  These trials should strengthen our faith.

We must take away these three things:

CONFIDENCE: It's hard to understand the "why" when these things happen (especially as a millennial).  We must have confidence that God will align our desires with his purpose.  "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." - Psalm 37:4.

PERSEVERANCE:  Expressing grief and sadness is okay, but persevere and do not give into bitterness and despair.  Satan (the enemy) is full of bitter, envy, selfish ambition, disorder and evil.  But our God and his wisdom is full of mercy, grace, love, peace and righteousness.

COURAGE:  Jesus died for us.  He will never abandon us.  Jesus carries us through everything.

James tells us the same message.  "Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." - James 1:2-4.  "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." - James 1:12. 

James says "whenever", not "if".  We WILL go through trials.  Tough times teach us perseverance (patience or steadfastness).  We are called to maintain a positive outlook when he says "consider it pure joy."  I choose joy.

Joy knowing that Shrubs #1 and Shrubs #2 are in heaven.  Joy in the fact that when those babies opened their eyes for the first time they saw Jesus.  Joy that I had them, even if just for a moment.

Each day will not be easy or joyful.  But that's where, with our faith, we will persevere.

We don't really know the depth of our character until we see how we react under pressure and trials.  This is part of the refining process.  God will not leave us alone when we go through pain and suffering.  He will be alongside us, holding, growing and maturing us. We just need to hold on to the faith.

I share our story with you because I am called to.  I am an ambassador of Christ (2 Corinthians 5:20) and Jesus himself tells us, "What I tell you in the dark, speak in daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs." - Matthew 10:27.

For myself and for you, know this.  God loves you so much he gave his only son (John 3:16).  He has loved you at your darkest (Romans 5:8).  He saw you before the light of day and knows the plans he has for you (Jeremiah 1:5).  He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless (Isaiah 40:29).  God will never leave you or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).

This has brought me peace and I pray it will bring you peace too.  'Thy will be done.'  God will fulfill every promise.  All of his plans will come to light.  Rest in that.  Find peace.  There is no need to stress between now and when his plans are fulfilled because they are going to be completed no matter what.  So why stress in the process?

Now... we wait.  As patiently as possible, we wait.  We wait, while also knowing what we're waiting for might not fall in line exactly with what we hope for.  Yet, we must remain steadfast that our happiness is in the promise and plan of Jesus alone.  So while we wait, obedience is key above all else.