Obedience

I had a major moment over the weekend regarding my "picky eating" and obedience.  They collided.

The word "obedience" has been slapping me across the face over the past couple of weeks.  It has been showing up everywhere.  In every book, every study, every scripture, every message and every conversation.  So I impose the question, "what am I being disobedient in?"

I feel like my life is pretty balanced right now.  Marriage.  Career.  Fitness.  Friends.  Family.  Church.  Volunteering.  Quiet time.

Well, I started a study called "Gideon" by Priscilla Shirer.  It's about finding your weaknesses in God's strength.  Mostly about obedience.  It only took one chapter for me to finally figure out my disobedience.

There are so many God things that happened on Friday night that I couldn't possibly explain.  Austin (husband) and my dog were out of town.  This allowed me to have a distraction free night and to be able to focus on myself fully.  I wasn't going to even do this study that night, but my friend LaRonda had encouraged me to tune into a live event, which then motivated me to start my study.  Throughout the beginning, I kept tearing up but never went into a full out cry.

Priscilla kept making points in Gideon's story that were similar to mine.  For example, she writes, "Israel was making decisions based on their limited supplies instead of the boundless resources of their God."  For me, I was making decisions on my limited food options instead of the boundless resources of my God.  She then talks about how they chose comfort instead of commitment and not obeying God Completely.  Why was I complacent in my "picky food journey?" Why was I happy with how far I've come instead of how far I can go with God?  I wanted to choose commitment.  Full on obedience.  Partial obedience is always a temptation and that was exactly where I was stuck.

She kept going deeper and this last nugget is what sent me into full blown cry session.  "When God's Spirit asks us to eliminate something from our lives, we shouldn't play around with His direction.  He sees the future effects of leftover enemies.  Take him seriously.  Fully engage in the task at hand." This got me good!  Honest talk: I have been eating poorly the last couple of weeks.  Before that it was partial obedience.  I had good moments, but with no consistency.  I've been feeling my body tell me warnings.  I would eat terrible or something high in sugar and my body would react negatively.  Something physical would happen - - either a weird heart pump or a shooting pain.  I knew in my heart and head that was God telling me, "Don't play.  Stop it.  I'm warning you."  This passage above made me question why would I want to mess around with God's message.  He's always right.  He always has my best interest at heart.  If I'm not my best, I cannot maximize my mission for Him.

So I repented.

I got on my knees, full tears and all (it was the ugly face cry for sure) and prayed.  I prayed aloud confessing how disobedient I had been.  I thanked Him for his mercy, grace and patience. After that, I felt a sense of peace.  Freedom.  Because I had come clean to the One who already knew it all, I could start form a genuine place of obedience.

Later, I had a discussion with my good friend Hannah.  (It's always a good idea to have God-centered friendships.  They can help you in times like this.)  What I learned from my conversation with her is that my bigger issue isn't food.  It's control.  I've always wanted control.  I'm a take-charge-independent woman.  And that's not necessarily a bad thing.  It's what has helped make me a great leader, successful soccer player and business woman.  But my over-control for right now, with food, is a lack of obedience towards God.

Going forward, every victory I have (food, fitness, etc), I need to give the glory to God.  These victories, for me, will come through my obedience towards Him.  I need to be faithful, prayerful and intentional with my decisions.  God is an amazing God.

This weekend Austin and I sat down and made a food plan for the week.  I am going to stretch outside of my comfort zone and try some new things.  This morning I woke up and made breakfast.  I have some sausage bits in an egg, strawberries and chocolate milk.  This is huge!  Combining ingredients is not an easy task for the picky.

I don't want to hear all the health critics out there telling me how bad sausage is or how much sugar milk has.  All I care about is how obedient I was.  And I was.

I'm excited to see God's promises fulfilled through my obedience.  #LessonsFromGideon.